Aligning to your authentic self is often hard and messy

Finding your true authentic self can often feel like a never-ending healing path filled with challenges. Trust me, I know from experience. I've been there—lost in my thoughts, torn between the person I was and the person I wanted to become. The process of aligning with your true self isn't just a feel-good phrase; it’s a journey that demands difficult choices and a lot of courage. So, let me share what it truly means to step into your alignment and the hard decisions that come with it.

Understanding Authenticity

When I first started this journey, I had to ask myself: what does it mean to be authentic? For me, it was about peeling back the layers of societal expectations, family traditions, religion and the habits I had formed and picked up in childhood. It required me to look in the mirror and confront the uncomfortable truth: many of my behaviours and beliefs weren't truly mine but rather borrowed from those around me.

Realising how often I shaped my identity according to others’ needs was eye-opening. I could tell it was time for a change when friendships felt forced and work left me drained and burned out. For instance, I used to have lunch with a specific mean girl group at an old workplace. These girls, always invited me to everything and I felt that pressure to go because my real friend also was drawn into this frenemy vortex. It wasn't until their toxic pattern of gossiping mean girl syndrome surfaced that once day I decided to stop going, this distinct energetic and physical withdrawal was noticed immediately and that group of vipers turned on me and began a bullying campaign against me. Not long after I left said toxic workplace, because the entire organisation from the top down was extremely toxic. By then I was severely burned out and suffering from an autoimmune disease. The alignment part? I was able to start my own business which I had put off for years out of fear and not feeling "ready:.

Letting Go of Old Patterns

Letting go of old patterns is one of the most painful aspects of this journey. It’s like shedding an old skin. You feel vulnerable, exposed, and often scared. It can trigger the dark night of the soul and send you spiralling into a dark place. But, I assure you that this discomfort is part of the process.

You end up relearning who you are.

One of the hardest decisions I made was walking away from relationships that no longer served me. For example, I ended a long-term relationship that was full of negativity. It took deep introspection, but I realized that staying in that situation was holding me back. Saying goodbye to people who were comfortable yet toxic required bravery, but it ultimately opened the door for healthier connections that uplifted me instead.

Making Hard Decisions

Making hard decisions was not just limited to relationships; it extended into my career and personal life as well. I remember one particularly tough moment when I turned down a job that looked perfect on paper. The salary was attractive—about 15% higher than my previous job—but something about it felt off. I had to trust my intuition, which was an entirely new experience for me.

Each choice I made was a step toward reclaiming my power. When I finally accepted a job that aligned with my passion for sustainability rather than mere financial gain, I felt truly fulfilled. Over time, I realised these tough choices became easier, especially when I noticed the positive outcomes of aligning with my true self.

Embracing the Unfamiliar

Stepping into the unknown was the scariest yet most liberating aspect of my journey. The uncertainty of what lay ahead kept me on my toes, but it also opened the door to incredible opportunities.

I started opening myself up to more, and I enrolled in online courses that excited me instead of fulfilling social expectations. This exploration was crucial in rewriting my narrative. Slowly, I uncovered who i actually was and what my values were without the expectations of others, that had been buried under years of trying to be someone I wasn't. For instance, hiking in nature helped me build not only physical strength but also mental resilience, showing me the beauty of discomfort leading to growth.

Releasing What No Longer Serves You

As I continued to evolve, I learned the art of letting go. This included toxic habits, limiting beliefs, and even dreams that didn't align with my current reality.

I began practicing mindfulness and journaling my thoughts. This daily reflection helped me recognize habits that drained my energy—like mindless scrolling on social media. Studies show that excessive social media use can increase feelings of anxiety by up to 50%. By taking breaks from online platforms, I found more time for self-care, which energizes me and clears my mind for better decision-making.

Personal Growth: A Continual Journey

Aligning with my true self is not a destination but a continuous journey of growth. Sometimes, I find myself at a crossroads, needing to make fresh choices that test my resolve.

I discovered it’s essential to check in with myself regularly. This introspection allows me to realign as life shifts and changes. It's often said that growth is uncomfortable, and I couldn't agree more. During a recent career transition, I faced anxiety about the uncertainty ahead. But by taking small, actionable steps—like setting realistic goals—I witnessed personal growth that stems from discomfort.

Building Healthy Relationships

A critical part of this journey is cultivating relationships that nourish my soul. I've learned to surround myself with people who support my growth and inspire me to be my best self.

Letting go of unhealthy ties paved the way for genuine connections and friendships filled with laughter, honesty, and encouragement. Over time, I noticed that these relationships continuously push me toward my authentic self. For example, joining a local women’s group and a mastermind provided me with a network that shares similar goals and values, inspiring me to pursue dreams I once thought impossible.

Prioritising Well-being

As I worked to align with my true self, prioritising my mental and physical health became essential. I made lifestyle changes in nutrition, exercise, and mindfulness that reflected my shifting priorities.

By paying attention to my health and well-being, I've sustained the energy needed to pursue my dreams and live authentically. This cycle is evident: the better I feel, the closer I get to my authentic self, which leads to even more empowered choices and feeling better in my own skin.

The Journey of Authentic Alignment

Reflecting on my journey toward aligning with my true self, I realise it’s been filled with both obstacles and triumphs. Each hard decision and moment of discomfort has helped me understand who I really am. The feeling of liberation that comes with this alignment has led me to living authentically and curate the life I want.

So, to all you wonderful women looking to embark on a similar journey: remember that although it may be filled with challenges, the rewards of authenticity and alignment are worth every moment spent in discomfort. Embrace the journey, make those hard decisions, and always stay true to yourself.

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