Falling In Love With A Man's Potential Will Cost You

The other day, I read a woman's post in a closed Facebook group asking for support and help with her relationship. The post went something like this, "When I was younger, I watched my mother be the provider and do everything in her marriage while my father sat back and didn't support her physically, emotionally or financially. She was always tired and unhappy, and I vowed I would never be like my mother. I have met a "great" man who ticks all the boxes except one: he doesn't work, and I have ended up paying for everything and supporting him. It has put a lot of pressure on me, and I see myself as my mother, whom I vowed I would never become. We have a great relationship and chemistry, and I met him at a time in his life when he was down and struggling, and I wanted to support him and help him heal and be that soft place to land. But now I have found myself being in the provider role, and he doesn't seem to be motivated to change. He has so much potential and talks about everything he wants to achieve. Am I asking for too much? I can't help but feel resentful".

As a therapist and healer, I hear this story time and time again, the "almost right" guy comes along, everything is great in the beginning, and he talks about his dream,s but there is never any follow-through or action. Months into the relationship and the woman has become the emotional backstop and financial provider for an adult man. This dynamic never ends well, and here is the thing I say to my clients: you are a desirable woman with your life on track, you are not an emotional and financial rehabilitation center for men to find themselves and figure out their life.

Men are hard-wired to problem solve, and when this is taken away from them and life becomes easy, they fail to build emotional resilience and maturity. They fail to lead themselves and be a supportive partner in a healthy relationship. The relationship becomes imbalanced, and you will find yourself stretching yourself thin more and more, becoming the "mother" in the relationship. Fixer-uppers are for houses, not spouses and falling in love with a man's potential instead of the reality is dangerous emotional territory in a relationship. Cultivating healthy, firm boundaries and finding a partner who shares the same values and morals as you should be the first priority. If a man does not have his life together when you first meet, there is little incentive to do so. You are deserving of a healthy relationship with an emotionally mature man. A woman is not supposed to mother a grown adult man and be in her masculine role constantly all the time, this will send your self-esteem spiralling and eventually lead to burnout and emotional apathy.

It's tempting to settle for a relationship that is "almost" right or seems easy, but that is the deception- you will give more of yourself than you actually have, and the relationship will eventually hollow you out, until there is nothing left of you and you lose your spark.

Self-esteem is the new world currency, because with rock-solid self-esteem, you don't settle, you don't talk yourself into less, you know your worth and your prepared to walk away from anything less.

If self-esteem is something you are currently struggling with, my incredible healing packages work on the deep subconscious beliefs and the nervous system, where we go deep into the cellular memory of these blocks to remove them. Send me an email for a free chat on how I can help.

Love,

Katie xox