To the Woman Who Feels like She has Lost her "Spark"

I've worked with thousands of women over the years who come to me with a deep feeling of loss within themselves, it's as if they hold a deep grief inside that has no single explanation. A grief for the younger version of them that is gone, a deep sense of having lost themselves through time, relationships and missed opportunity - a sadness for the things that have not come to pass and they thought would.

A sadness for the lost parts of their soul that haven't yet fulfilled their purpose for life. A craving for more, but not knowing what that more is or looks like, and what I can only describe as having "lost their spark".

They feel stuck in life.

The pattern I see within these women is often this: burnout, loneliness, low self-worth and feeling completely lost and disconnected from the people and world around them. They don't find happiness in what they used to enjoy and miss a younger version of themselves that seemed so "carefree and happy". They often have experienced a trauma or multiple traumas that they feel have broken them, and the emptiness and grief they feel will linger on indefinitely, so they end up drifting through this foggy haze of dissociation, in the hopes that "one day" it will all get better or go back to "normal".

Millions of women have been feeling this all over the world lately, it's as if something has been activated from within that is purging the past and leaving some feeling hollowed out and like they are living in a weird dream, observing their lives. If you're in it right now, know this - The most important and nourishing thing you can do for yourself is not put too much stock into analysing these feelings. While they are very real and valid, a deep shift is occurring on a deep level and you don't want to get caught up in looping thoughts that make you feel broken and stuck. It's important not to judge yourself or your past, especially if you feel like you have made mistakes or taken the wrong path.

This is the time to put yourself in "best friend" mode and ask "What would I say to my best friend if they were feeling like this?'. Coming from this perspective can help the brain shift from analysis paralysis to compassion and grace for what you are feeling and experiencing. This softens our minds and hearts to stop being so hard and judgemental of ourselves and realise that you are human and not every day is going to be good. It's okay to have bad and sad days, just don't unpack and live there is what one of my old mentors used to say. It is a timely reminder that instead of trying to reason our way out of what we are feeling, we can lean into it more, feel the feelings and let them take up space by being present with them. The natural human inclination is to run or self-soothe from pain - either by distractions, numbing, dissociation, addictions or trying to ignore what's occurring and just "keep on going".

The issue with this is, that it just delays dealing with and healing what going on deep within the subconscious and psyche. When strong emotions come up, it is often tied to experiences of the past that are similar and trigger a response in our body.

If these feelings and triggers aren't cleared or healed they keep occurring throughout our lives. Because our emotional state lies in our body, somatic practices can help regulate your nervous system. Breathwork, yoga, chiropractic, emotional freedom technique and emotional release technique are all evidence-based practices that help to heal the nervous system and emotional blockages within the body and mind.

To the woman reading this who is feeling hollowed out and broken, you are not alone and you are worthy of so much more than you can ever imagine.

You haven’t lost your spark. It’s still there. You’ve just been carrying so much for so long that it got buried beneath the weight.

Buried beneath the exhaustion, the overthinking, the pressure to keep it all together.Buried under the years of putting everyone else’s needs before your own, of being the strong one, the good girl, the dependable one.Buried beneath the grief of all the things you never got to say, do, or be. But it’s not gone. You’re not gone.

You are still in there. Tender. Wild. Wise. That radiant, magnetic, passionate part of you — the one who used to dream big, laugh from her belly, and feel everything so deeply — she didn’t die.

She’s just waiting for you to come back to her.

And you don’t need to figure it all out overnight. You don’t need to force your way back into being “on.” You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to feel messy. You’re allowed to not know what’s next.

But please don’t give up on yourself.

Because there is a fire in you — sacred, sovereign, yours — and it’s ready to rise again. Maybe not in the way it once was… but in a way that feels even more true. Even more you.

And I promise…When you take one small step back toward your heart — the light begins to return.

You don’t have to do it alone.

Love,

Katie xox